Midnight Sun cont
by Gehjl
Summary: The continuation of where Midnight Sun finished. Twilight through Edward's topaz eyes.
1. Jeopardy

_This is really the first time I wrote something outside of school, so not quite sure how good it is. All reviews are welcome, good and bad, and areas I can improve. Thanks for reading =) I will be continuing to write other chapters and hopefully go through Twilight through Edwards eyes. After I read chapter 1, I felt like this was going to be my favorite book. I was sad when she postponed it. So I decided to try my hand at finishing it.  
_

"_Was it possible that I can feel this much excitement?_" I kept thinking while I pushed my car faster as I drove home. She's very curious about me, but also very calm about things that would've put any other person into shock. I got sidetracked as I sensed something a mile ahead. Officer Jones was sitting between the trees eating his dinner, with his radar out. I couldn't help but smile so big, that it would've scared anybody who was in the car.

I turned my lights off, downshifted, and pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The whine of the supercharger was music to my ears and with the crescendo I was easily into triple digit speeds. If Bella was scared from my driving from Port Angeles, this would give her a heart attack. I laughed at the irony. She can handle me being a vampire, but can't handle fast speeds.

I had a huge grin on my face as I passed him. It was just too perfect to watch myself through him. He heard the radar beep and when he looked, he saw 120 on it. He looked down the road and saw nothing. He tapped the radar twice, and just then he just saw a silver blur fly by. Poor guy, I felt kind of bad for making spill his coke.

As much fun as that was, I was still too caught up with the anticipation for tomorrow. Not only will it be another day with Bella, but a day where I could get to know her on a deeper level, and for the first time not through their thoughts.

I pulled quickly into the garage and the engine purred off as I walked out of the car. I was walking towards the staircase and I caught a thought "_You've gotten softer bro_". Without even having to hear the voice I knew it came from Rosalie, who was sitting on the couch with Emmett. Apparently Emmett spilled the beans to Rose about my good deed to Angela Weber. "I guess Emmett didn't tell you he enjoyed himself" I couldn't resist saying with a grin on my face. As soon as I finished I heard a _sigh_ and a _WHACK!!!_ Poor Emmett.

I walked into my room and slumped onto my couch. I put on my headphones and loaded Beethoven into my CD player. If only Beethoven were able to move his hands the way I did, the music he could create would be astonishing. I slowly drifted away as I thought how I could improve every song. I almost got carried away till I snapped back and started memorizing my questions for Bella tomorrow. There was just so much I wanted to know about her. So much that is locked inside her head, like a safe I can't crack. I sat for a few minutes thinking if her mind worked like that, like a safe that I had to find the combination too. I still could not comprehend how I couldn't read her thoughts, very aggravating. No time now as I looked at the clock. It was getting late and I hurried downstairs towards the garage.

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo" Emmett spoke with a girly voice and held a red rose in his hand. I ignored him and their laughs and quickly turned on my car with a quick flick of the key and was already reversing out of the garage.

I parked a few blocks down in the shadows. I listened across the streets for the familiar sounds. Even blocks down, Charlie's snoring was very easy to pick up. How Renée ever feel asleep next to that will be a mystery to me. I listened to the upstairs of the house and all I heard was sheets ruffling. Good, they're both asleep. I ran the distance between my car and the house and with one catlike leap, I was at the window. I slowly pushed it open and slid inside. My body did not make a sound throughout that entire process. Must be something subconscious.

The thirst was always stronger in this room. All the clothes that she's worn, the sheets she rolls around in during the night, everything she's touched enhancing her already irresistible smell. I moved her computer chair to the dark part of the room and sat down and relaxed as I knew she was once again, safe; at least from others. I could never fully relax around her.

I could just hear her blood flowing through her arteries, her flaps opening and closing in her veins. It was just so...alluring. Seeing her jugular all swollen on her neck was suddenly nothing when I saw her face in the moonlight. Was it possible for her to be even more beautiful? I guess so, as she sat there unknowingly dazzling me. I was jerked out of the trance when she spoke my name. For some weird reason, her saying my name calmed me greatly.

What I wouldn't give at this moment for a quick glance inside of her head, see how see portrays me in her dreams, hoping she didn't see me still as a vampire. How hard I wished I was normal, to let my emotions loose around her, not hold back. But then again, I would be missing all of this. As of right now, this was my only peek into her head, as if I was looking through a keyhole, not being able to find the key.

She woke up many times this night; she was restless for the most part of it. I was glad she never looked into the corner, still not sure how I would explain myself sitting in her computer chair. "Hi Bella, just making sure you were alive" or "Just checking to see if you did your homework", I chuckled at my thoughts. Good thing nobody can read mine.

It wasn't almost till daybreak that she was sleeping quietly and calmly. I unwillingly lifted myself from the chair knowing she would wake up soon and moved it back to where it belonged, where Bella wouldn't notice it was moved during the night. I hated having to leave, but I comforted myself with the thought that we would be together again real soon. "Goodbye my dearest" I whispered in her ear before walking towards the window. I climbed out and closed the window behind me, and with one easy leap, I was back on her grass. I quickly, well humanly quickly, walked towards my car before the sun really shinned through the clouds.

I hated this part....waiting.

Finally, I heard Charlie wake up. A few minutes later they were both sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast. Charlie decided to try his skill today by cooking something simple, eggs. I couldn't help but laugh as he kept saying "_Oww_" mentally from the oil splashing on his arms. He was trying to keep his poker face on, as he didn't want Bella cooking breakfast for him too, dinner was enough for her to cook and he didn't want to seem completely incapable of cooking. He finished cooking his eggs, a little runnier than he'd wished, and sat down at the table with Bella.

I was able to look through his mind and see Bella on the other side of the table. She sat across from Charlie eating cereal wearing a brown turtleneck and some jeans. I could see she's not used to the cold, wet weather. I could also hear from Charlie's thoughts this was not going to be a comfortable morning. He just didn't know how to start it.

"About this Saturday..." he started as he began washing his dish.

I could see her cringe as she answered "Yes, Dad?"

"Are you still set on going to Seattle?"

"That was the plan" she replied back, while I hoped she would at least say she's going with me. I couldn't escape Alice's vision. I had to change it, had to make sure it was never fulfilled. I would not let myself.

"And you're sure you can't make it back in time for the dance?" He asked, bringing me back from that horrible vision.

"I'm not going to the dance, Dad."

"_Has nobody asked her? Someone at least had to ask her to the dance. She's pretty enough_" Charlie couldn't help but think. "Didn't anyone ask you?" "_I was sure Mike Newton would've asked her, it's pretty easy to see he has something for her_" He thought after his question.

I couldn't help but smile when I thought of Mike's rejection from Bella. It pleased me almost the same as me giving him a quick slap. His thoughts really irritate me. Maybe I can find some way he would "accidentally" hurt himself, only breaking a few bones in the process. He would heal...slowly.

"It's a girl's choice" she replied to his question.

"Oh" Charlie was sad, and with his response, the conversation ended.

A few minutes later, Charlie walked out the door, got into his cruiser, and drove off. I knew this was my cue, and less than 5 seconds after he was out of sight, I was already in front of her house, waiting for her. It was easy to spot that grin as she peeked through the upstairs curtains.

She hurried downstairs and climbed inside my car. I took a deep breath and smiled as I felt the burn in my throat, very calming, and a bit easier to control than before. Even in a turtleneck she looked breathtaking.

"Good Morning. How are you today?"

"Good, thank you" she replied.

I couldn't help but look at the dark spots under her eyes, evidently the product of her restless nights. "You look tired" I said, thinking she was starting to look like me. I shuddered at that thought.

"I couldn't sleep" she answered as she swung her hair around. I'm guessing she planned on using her hair for some sort of cover, but it just made my thirst even stronger.

"Neither could I" I said jokingly and started the car and drove off.

"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did" and she laughed.

"I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked.

"_I was watching you sleep_" I thought and chuckled. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh that's right. What do you want to know?"

Only everything, but we'll start small. "What's your favorite color?"

"It changes from day to day." She answered rolling her eyes.

"What's your favorite color today?"

"Probably brown"

I had to laugh, "Brown?"

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss _brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown — tree trunks, rocks, dirt — is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," she was ranting.

I immediately thought of her hair. I was mesmerized by just how gently it flowed over her shoulders, so straight, brown, and warm. "You're right. Brown is warm." My fingers slowly made their way to touch her hair. Just to feel it one more time. See if I could resist. I gently swept her hair back over her shoulders. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

We just arrived to school and I started backing into my usual spot. "What music is in your CD player right now?"

"Deliverance by Opeth"

Opeth? I can't imagine Bella listening to them. I half smiled and reached into my CD compartment and pulled out the same CD, "Debussy to this?" I asked.

She took the CD and seemed to examine it, not saying anything.

We were already walking towards her English class. Enough time for one more question. "What's your favorite and least favorite movie?"

"My favorite would be The Island. My least favorite I would say is Napoleon Dynamite. I don't think I chuckled once during it."

I used every opportunity to learn everything I can, between our classes and lunch time. I found out she wants to go to New York and Italy, she's not a fan of shopping, and she's a fan of Ted Dekker.

It all seemed like a normal question when I asked what her favorite gemstone is.

"Topaz" she blurted out quickly and then her cheeks filled with that alluring blood.

"What is it?" I asked as smoothly as I could.

"Nothing"

"C'mon, just tell me, I won't laugh"

"I can't" she replied still embarrassed.

"Tell me" I said with a little more command than I intended.

"It's the color of your eyes today. I suppose if you ask me in two weeks I'd say onyx" she said softly.

She was clearly uncomfortable. She kept looking down and playing with a strand of her hair. "What kinds of flowers do you prefer?" I asked to lighten up the mood. She sighed with relief and continued on with the answers.

Biology class again. Last time Mr. Varner didn't finish the video, so I automatically knew this was going to be a close repeat of last class. While he was carrying the audiovisual equipment to the front again, I moved my chair a bit further from her. "_Good, I hope Cullen would move even further away. Like outside_" I heard Mike think. I wonder if the wolves would make an exception to our treaty if they knew what Mike kept thinking.

The lights went off and the electricity between us turned on. Even with this distance, that same spark of electricity was still there. It was like a magnet, the power drawing me in closer to her, and from her stance, it seemed to have the same effect on her. She was slouched forward with her head in her arms, and I could feel her fingers tight against the table, as if she was holding her hand away from me.

I found myself looking at her the entire class. I was the only one able to see clearly with the lights off, so I was sure nobody noticed.

One hour passed and the movie was done. I didn't even have to pay attention; I've seen that movie 5 times in other schools. She caught me still staring at her after the lights were on.

I had to get over this fear of touching her. A small touch before her gym class was starting to become a regular routine, and I wasn't about to stop now. The more I do this, the more I can control myself around her. I have to retrain this monster inside of me.

We were in front of her gym class already, and I stretched out my hand. "_Slowly Edward….just a quick touch." _My fingers immediately felt the heat as they touched her temple. It was such a pleasant feeling; I've been around cold people too much. I let the back of my hand slowly move down till her jaw. And with every inch my hand travelled, the monster inside of me seemed to gain more control over me. I would have to work on this and I dropped my hand and walked away.

I was waiting for my class to finish. It was just so hard to not spy on her during her gym class, but I promised I wouldn't, and I was going to keep that promise. I don't want to see her that sad again. Plus, that meant I had to look through Mike's eyes, and his thoughts. Every time I do that, I swear I feel my temperature rise.

As soon as the bell rung, I hurried off to gym class, knowing I only had so much time to make it to there. I got there about 30 seconds before she walked out, and when she did, a huge grin flashed across her face. I couldn't help but smile back. She instinctively came by my side and we walked off, with the interrogation continuing. I don't think I could get sick of knowing everything about her.

We sat for a few hours in front of her house while rain was pouring down around us. She tried to describe why Arizona appealed so much to her, but it seemed she was at a loss for words. I know I would be the same if anyone asked me why Bella appealed so much to me. There are just so many qualities, and many are just some I can't explain.

I heard a familiar car exiting the highway a few miles away and was too focused to ask another question.

"Are you finished?" She asked as she noticed my pause.

"Not even close --- but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie! How late is it?"

"It's twilight," I answered while looking deep into the horizon into the dark clouds. I felt her looking at me and I turned my eyes to her and said "It's the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She frowned. "Not that you see them here much."

I laughed loudly. How I love her sarcasm. I must remember one day to take her up the mountains above the cloud line to be able to see the stars.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" hoping she would.

"Thanks, but no thanks." She started to gather her books and about to leave. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

She looked worried. "What more is there?"

"You'll find out tomorrow." I smiled and reached over to open the door for her. I heard her heart beat faster as I got close to her. I wondered if I would ever get tired of that, I don't think so.

"_Is that Edward Cullen?_" I caught a stray thought. "What is he doing here, and in that position?" The man asked his son, who I immediately recognized as Billy Black's voice.

"Not sure," Jacob Black answered.

"_We'll have to keep a closer eye on Bella; they better keep up their end of the treaty._" He thought.

Ha, the treaty. I should jump out this car and tell them what I think of their treaty. Luckily Jacob wasn't part of them when he told Bella that story; otherwise that treaty would've been broken by now. Count your blessings old man.

"Not good" I was able to mutter.

"What is it?"

"Another complication." I looked at her and swung her door open and pulled myself away. She stayed inside and just kept staring at me with worry. I hated having to make her leave, but it would only be worse if I stayed. "Charlie's around the corner." And with that, she jumped outside. I tried to keep myself calm despite of their thoughts. Before Charlie could get any closer, I put my car in first gear and took off, my tires squealing against the wet pavement. I couldn't help but look into my rearview mirror and frown while looking at her standing in the rain. I already missed her.


	2. Preparations

_Here's the next part. I hope you guys like it, so please leave reviews. I'm excited about the next chapter, the meadow. _

I hated these complications. I was forced to stand outside in the forest in the rain until they left. I decided to go for a quick run while I waited.

Almost instantly, my body was in a full speed run. The rain felt like hundreds of cold needles bouncing off my marble like chest, which was pleasant. I started following a trail up the mountain nearby, knowing that nobody would be hiking in this rainstorm, and within a few minutes I was above the cloud line, at the peak of the mountain.

I laid there for a few hours, staring at the stars in the sky; it reminded me of my short retreat in Alaska. I remembered how Bella likes to see the stars, and just wished she was here with me, to be able to hold her warm body next to mine.

I spent a few hours on top of the mountain daydreaming, the only dreaming I could do. When I thought enough time had passed, I set for a run back to her house.

They were both asleep when I arrived. Her window was opened as if she was waiting for me, for her Romeo. I quickly made my way through it and I was back in her room. It felt like I was apart from her for days. I pulled the chair again, but this time instead of the corner, I set it down by her bedside.

She was sleeping peacefully tonight. I slowly moved my hands towards her hair, hoping she would not wake up, and let my fingers run through her hair. I started to hum the song I've written for her while I was playing with her hair. She turned over and started to say my name. I wished I could touch her and reassure her, let her know I'm here.

Day came around and I already knew the procedure. I quickly went out through the window and ran to my car. When Charlie was around the corner, I was in front of the house waiting for her. She climbed into my car and we were off for school, not before breathing in her warm scent.

"How did you sleep?" I asked.

"Fine. How was your night?"

"Pleasant." I said with a smile on my face.

"Can I ask what you did?" She asked with curiosity

"No. Today is still _mine_." I answered, glad that I had an excuse.

"So tell me more about Renée" continuing where I left off yesterday.

"Well she's very young, physically and mentally. Even back home, I was the cook in the house. Phil dabbles in cooking, but I cooked most nights. I don't know who I picked up my culinary skills from. She's always been my best friend though. It's like sometimes she can see and read people very well, like she gets some kind of vibes. I do miss our girl nights with her."

We talked all the way through school today. It seems like this is becoming a routine for her, answering sometimes without any hesitation. I didn't mind, I could sit here and listen to her talk all day and night. Not like I could sleep anyway.

"So tell me about the boys you've dated." I asked when we sat down in the cafeteria.

Her face turned a warm red before she said anything, a response I expected and loved.

"Well…I..Uhm..Never dated anyone before" she said and twirled her hair in her fingers. She was clearly embarrassed.

I was in shock on the other hand. A girl as beautiful as her never dating anybody? It seemed unreal to me, but on the other hand, a side of me was sort of happy.

Or maybe who she liked ended up not liking her. I suddenly hurt thinking about how some guy would break her fragile heart.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked, wondering if my thought was true.

"Not in Phoenix."

I was relieved that nobody broke her heart, but worried that I might somehow hurt her. Our relationship wasn't normal, but what should I know about normal.

_All set Edward?_ Alice's thought was loud in my head, as if she was next to me.

I wanted to say no, wanted to just stay with her all day and learn more about her. The only thing forcing me to leave is the thought of me being alone with her. I had to make sure I wasn't thirsty tomorrow.

"I should have let you drive today." I said while she was eating.

"Why?" She was clearly shocked.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh" and immediately that crease in her forehead showed up. She was disappointed. "That's okay; it's not that far of a walk."

Was she serious? "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you"

"I don't have my key with me. I really don't mind walking."

Silly Bella. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition --- unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laughed at the thought of it. I wouldn't even chase after him. I'd probably thank him. Maybe she'd let me get her a car that could make it past 50. I doubted that, that would show weakness on her part.

"All right." She said pursing her lips together, as if she was holding back a chuckle. She must think I won't find her key. _She's underestimating me_ I thought with a smirk on my face.

"So where are you going?" She asked.

"Hunting. If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can. You can always cancel, you know." I half hoped she would. Even now, Alice still saw both pictures as part of my future.

_She's already decided on going with you tomorrow Edward. I know you will do the right thing. You always do, you're the strongest out of all of us._ Alice reassured me.

"No, I can't" Bella quietly replied.

"Perhaps you're right." Alice already saw her there, only uncertainty was how it was going to end.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?" She asked, bringing me back from Alice's visions.

"That depends…it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No," she answered before I even finished the last word. I couldn't help but chuckle. She's really excited about tomorrow.

"The same time as usual then. Will Charlie be there?"

"No, he's fishing tomorrow," she answered coolly.

How can she be so calm about it? "And if you don't come home, what will he think?"

"I have no idea. He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

I scowled at her for that answer. She gave me one back, but I just couldn't imagine her meaning it. She's just looks so innocent.

"What are you hunting tonight?"

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." That meant most likely deer, which I was getting sick of. It's just so unfulfilling and bland.

"Why are you going with Alice?"

"Alice is the most...supportive" I answered.

_And I'm the funnest._ Alice added mentally

"And the others? What are they?" She asked.

"Incredulous, for the most part"

"They don't like me" she guessed.

"That's not it; they don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

"Neither do I, for that matter" and she grimaced.

She's so naive. "I told you — you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

She still didn't believe me. I sighed, out of every person I've met over this past century; I've never met one like her. "Having the advantage I do," pointing to my forehead "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

She looked back towards my family. I had to reassure her. "That part is easy to explain. But there's more...and it's not easy to put into words..." I was cut off by Rosalie's thoughts.

I saw her stare with hatred towards Bella. _What does he see in her? She's so plain. God forbid something happens Edward, we'll see just how many pieces I can turn your precious Vanquish in. I don't want to move again!_

"Cool it Rose!" I hissed under my breath, so low that only my family could hear.

Bella turned back towards me, fear in her eyes. I felt such sorrow for her. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see...it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly..." I couldn't finish it. If I were able to cry, this would be the time. I couldn't bear myself to see Bella lying there motionless.

"If?" she pushed on.

"If this ends...badly" and with that I broke down. All the images of my thoughts replayed through my head. The very first day I smelled her, how I almost ruined everything we worked for here. How easily that monster inside of me came to the surface, willing to take down 21 innocent people with her and almost losing the best thing that has happened to me in the past century. I saw Alice's vision of me and Bella inside the meadow, her lifeless body in my hands, and my eyes a bright red, no longer my face, but the face of the monster buried deep inside of me. I was too ashamed to even look at her.

"And you have to leave now?" she asked me.

I couldn't let her see me hurt so much; I didn't want her to hurt also. "Yes" I had to be strong. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology — I don't think I could take any more." I said jokingly.

Before we could get up to leave, I felt Alice behind my shoulder. "Alice" I said greeting her.

"Edward." _So are you going to introduce me to my new friend yet?_ She thought.

"Alice, Bella --- Bella, Alice."

"Hello Bella. It's nice to finally meet you." She said. She replayed her vision in her head: Her and Bella walking together, hands around each other's waists. I shot her a dark look.

"Hi Alice" Bella replied back.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked me.

"Nearly, I'll meet you at the car."

_I can't wait forever brother. Well technically I could, but I'd rather not._ Alice thought while walking away.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked me.

She's right about the phrase. It's probably the most fun we can have out here, where we can let loose. "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything."

"Have fun then."

"I'll try, and you try to be safe, please." I hated leaving here, fearing that I would not be there to protect her if something happens.

"Safe in Forks --- what a challenge." She joked, but I was serious.

"For you it _is_ a challenge. Promise."

"I promise to be safe. I'll do the laundry tonight --- that ought to be fraught without peril."

I knew she meant it. "Don't fall in." I joked

"I'll do my best" she said with a dark look towards me.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said with a sigh.

"It seems like a long time to you doesn't it?" Even after living for 90 years, a few hours away from her seemed a long time. "I'll be there in the morning" I promised her. I reached across the table and brushed her cheekbone. _One for the road_ and I was off.

I walked outside of school and Alice was already in my Volvo, already turned on. I was so distracted I didn't even notice her taking the keys out of my pocket. I grinned towards her and I knew she saw it.

_I still have a few tricks up my sleeves_ she trilled mentally.

I climbed into the passenger seat of the car and she took off as soon as I closed the door.

"It's been a while since we hunted, just us too" she said cheerfully. "I kind of missed it."

"Me too. It's been a while since I've watched my little sister take down an angry grizzly bear."

She laughed. "I doubt we'll find any grizzlies today though. Sadly, all I see is deer ahead for us."

I frowned, but I knew I had to be prepared for tomorrow.

After a few minutes we were at Bella's house and I smiled at the challenge in front of me. I got out of my car and opened the front door with the key under the eave, I've seen her use it a few times. As if I needed the key anyway, I could just climb through the window like I normally do, but I decided to do it more civil. First place I checked was the key rack. Not there. Checked all the tables and counters in the house, with no luck. It must be in one of her pockets. The last time she drove the truck was Wednesday; I've picked her up the last two days. I still remember the jeans she was wearing. I found them under a pile of clothes and the key was in her back pocket. I walked out the door, locked it, and put the key back under.

I hopped in her truck, turned the key, and the whole truck shook as the engine started. Alice laughed in her head. The smell inside was mesmerizing; it felt as if she was in here with me. I could sit here all day and bask in her smell. So flowery, something I've never smelled in someone before.

A quick honk from Alice brought me back to the real world. I threw the truck in drive and started towards school. I turned on the radio and tried to listen to my favorite station, but it was all fuzzy. The radio had horrible reception.

We were cruising a smooth 50mph, when Alice decided to flash me the high beams. I could see her laughing with a big grin. _Maybe you can push your feet through the floorboard and Flinestone it there. Might be quicker._ She thought.

The truck shook harder from my laugh than from the engine.

I pulled into my usual spot when I arrived back at school. I pulled out a piece of paper from my pocket and wrote "Be Safe" on it and kissed it. I left it on her seat and quickly jumped into the driver's seat of my Volvo.

It was a short drive to the park. We parked in the back and hiked a few miles out, where we were sure there are no hikers.

"Wanna make a bet? Let's see who can get the biggest deer tonight." Alice asked.

"Alright sounds good." I said with a grin.

Just then a big grin spread along her face and I saw what was on her mind: she bent over a bigger deer than mine. I sighed. "Why do I even bother? What's the bet?"

"Let me be Bella's personal stylist. Please...please."

I laughed loudly, echoing through the forest. "Not everybody likes to dress nice for everything Alice. Plus I'm sure she doesn't like being dressed up. I'm sure she'd go to prom in a pair of jeans if she could."

I could see her expression turn sad, but a big grin flashed across her face a few moments later. By the time I tried to read her mind, she was thinking about her calculus class.

"What did you see Alice?"

"Nothing"

"Alice...tell me"

"Never, but you'll see one day" she said and ran off laughing, me in chase.

I picked up a scent, fresh, pretty new. A pack of three deer going east. I followed the scent by my nose, not my stomach. It wasn't looking forward to more deer blood again. Alice was instinctively by my side, running along with me. We stopped about 30 feet away from where they were grazing.

_I got the big one, remember?_ And with that she was off. By the time the deer looked to Alice, she already pounced on it, biting on its neck.

I sighed, now I have to chase for mine. The other two deer ran off scared from Alice's attack. I began pursuit after one of them, and within a few seconds, I was already enjoying my dinner.

_So you really can't stay away from her, huh?_ Alice thought.

"No, I can try as hard as I can, but I feel as if a part of me is missing, a part that I've never had, but found in her. Now that I have it, I don't want to lose it."

_But you do know someday, as she gets older, she will one day "leave"._

"I've already thought about that, but I can't see myself taking her future away from her. It would be too selfish of me."

_Unless she wants it._

"Of course she'll want it. She only sees the positive things about it, but never the negative. I don't want to tell her how we become like this. And you can't tell her either Alice!"

_But I think she deserves to know._

"No Alice!" I growled. "Not as long as she has a choice."

_Fine, I think it's inevitable. Remember?_ She tapped her forehead. The vision of Bella with pale skin as mine came back into my head.

I hissed.

_Touchy, touchy. So what's the second course? I smell Elk._

That'll do, and we were both off.


	3. Debut

_Sorry I took so long with the Chapter. Been a bit busy and out of it. Sorry it's a bit short, but I'm already working on the next part. Well here it is. Thanks for the reviews everyone =)_

The sun was coming up, and I was overly stuffed. I had 2 deer, an elk, and a wolf; the wolf was a nice surprise. Having enough, me and Alice ran back to where I parked and we hopped in the Volvo.

I had a great time with Alice, whenever she isn't too annoying, she's very sweet. I could see it from the smile on her face, she enjoyed herself as well.

"It was fun catching up" she told me.

"It sure was. It was a good breather from having to hear Rosalie's thoughts."

"She'll come around," _I hope_ Alice thought.

"I hope so too, Bella is already part of my future, Rosalie will just need to understand that."

"You know she's selfish Edward, she's only interested in herself. You should know that better than any of us."

"I do know that," I said with a frown. "One can wish though."

"Don't fret it. Cheer up, you're gonna have a great day today." She had that blank stare, which meant she was looking into the future.

I saw her vision: me and Bella, lying on the grass in the middle of the meadow. The sun was shining through and glistening off my skin, joy spelled across her face, her body close to mine. It felt as if it were a fantasy, something too good to be true, me so close to her, almost intertwined.

"Thanks sis" and I felt a lot better, more confident.

She had a big smile on her face. "Anytime"

We arrived at the house and I parked my car in the garage, knowing I won't need it today. She made me promise to let her drive, I grimaced at that thought. I quickly changed into a sweater and jeans and headed down the stairs. I felt like a kid, excited to go on a field trip.

Esme was waiting for me at the door with a smile. "You look handsome today. Alice told me about your day today. I'm so happy for you Edward, which you probably know, but I just wanted to tell you that. I know it may look bleak now, but somehow things will work out. I know they will, you deserve this more than anybody. Don't worry about today, I know you will be able to control yourself, just enjoy it."

"Thanks Mom, I love you," I told her. Her words were pure and sincere.

"I love you too sweetie," and she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

_Have fun brother. You know I'll always be watching out. I'll let you know if I see something._ Alice told me.

I walked out of the door and instantly burst into a full sprint. I know at this speed it would not take me long to get to her house.

When I arrived, I stood at the edge of the forest behind her house. I knew Charlie was going fishing today, so he was already gone by the time I arrived. I listened inside the house and Bella was eating breakfast at the time. I can hear her footsteps throughout the house, much quicker than usual. She must be rushing. When I heard her come back downstairs from brushing her teeth, I was already at the front door and I knocked softly. She opened the door and I couldn't help but smile after I looked her over.

"Good morning." I said with a chuckle.

"What's wrong?" she said and looked herself over subconsciously, although she looked perfect, like an angel.

"We match." I said. We both had on a tan sweater, white undershirt, and jeans. She chuckled along with me.

I unwillingly walked towards the passenger side of her truck, wearing a frown.

"We made a deal." As if she needed to remind me. "Where to?"

"Put your seatbelt on, I'm nervous already" I said, worse case scenarios flashing through my head.

She shot me a dirty look and put it on. "Where to?"

"Take the one-oh-one north," I instructed.

I spent most of the car ride, looking at her, analyzing her driving, worrying. I calmed myself down by thinking that if it came down to it, I could reach across and maneuver us out of harm.

"Were you planning on making it out of Forks before nightfall?" I joked, but truthfully a bit impatient. If we had my car, we'd be there by now.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather, have some respect."

I gave her more directions and we drove in silence. I didn't like not being able to know what she's thinking. I've relied so much on it before; it was driving me crazy now.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, still not used to not knowing.

"Just wondering where we're going." She answered

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." It was clearing up. It was going to be a beautiful day.

"Charlie said it would be warm today," She told me.

Charlie was right. Alice had already looked into the weather for me. It was going to be perfect. "And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"

"Nope" she said with no hesitation.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?"

"No, I told her you cancelled on me, which is true."

I was angry now. "No one knows you're with me?

"That depends...I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful Bella" She's making it too easy for me to slip up. Even though I wasn't thirsty and in control, I still wasn't sure I was in full control of myself.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I asked angrily.

"You said it might cause trouble for you...us being together publicly." She told me.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me --- if you don't come home?"

She nodded to my question. I was furious. She probably felt like she did a good thing, but it was the complete opposite. No one would know she was with me. She did make it so nobody would point a finger to me, but did she not care for her own safety? I guess I should've known better, she never does anything I expect.

The rest of the drive was quiet. I was still furious and I'm thinking she didn't know what to say. I hopped out of the car as soon as the engine was off. I took off my sweater, mostly just to make the hike easier. I looked over at her and saw she took her sweater off, leaving her in a sleeveless blouse. A blouse that accentuated her skin, made her even more beautiful, as if that was possible. I've never seen her dress so lightly, she looked radiant. All my anger melted away at the sight of her. I couldn't stay mad at her, I knew she meant well, in her own way.

She caught my stare and looked back at me with an expression I couldn't decipher. Did she regret coming here? "Do you want to go home?" I guessed.

"No."

"What's wrong?" I asked her, still not able to read her expression.

"I'm not a good hiker. You'll have to be patient."

"I can be patient, if I make a great effort." I had forever to wait; a five mile hike would be nothing.

She smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced. Her cheeks didn't lift as high and I could see the crease in her forehead. It wasn't her real smile, the smile I loved seeing. "I'll take you home."

I could see that upset her. "If you want me to hack through the jungle for five miles before sundown, you'd better start leading the way."

I started towards the forest, worrying. I didn't know what was on her mind, what she was thinking.

I carefully led the path through the forest, trying to avoid big rocks, or anything she could trip on. I stayed a bit in front of her, looking back periodically.

The light started to break through the canopy at small points. I knew the day cleared, that it was sunny. I smiled and kept walking ahead, as we didn't have much more to go.

"Are we there yet?"

I heard the sarcasm in her voice and knew she must be in a better mood. "Nearly. Do you see the brightness ahead?" We were a bit under a mile away from the clearing.

"Um, should I?"

I forget about that sometimes, it just so easy to be myself around her. "Maybe it's a bit too soon for your eyes."

I heard her footsteps pick up a quicker pace as we neared the light ahead. I knew she was able to see it now. I slowed down and let her lead the way. She reached the end and stepped out of sight, into the meadow. I followed and stood at the edge, watching her admire it. I looked at her from the cover of the trees. Her skin was even more beautiful in the light. Her eyes turned from a chocolate brown to a warm honey color, her warm brown hair now had streaks of red as the sunlight hit her.

She stood in the middle and beckoned me in with her index finger. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and stepped into the opening, step by step. I felt the warming of the sun against my cold skin and kept walking forward. I opened my eyes to look towards her. I saw her gaze fixated on me, looking at me in amazement; as would be the natural response for our prey.

I sat down next to her and she was speechless. I could hear her heart beat faster than normal and I couldn't help but smile. She sat for a few minutes, looking at me over and over.

"Wow, you're beautiful" she said to me.

I flashed her a smile and laid in the grass.


	4. Heaven

_Sorry it's been taking me forever everybody. I now have two jobs and barely have any time to write. Most of my writing is done during down times at my jobs. But this chapter is pretty long, because I didn't know where I wanted_ _to end it. But I hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you ChocoChocoChan for pointing out the Edward with Charlie's thoughts deal. I had to re-read Midnight Sun to see that. R&R Please =)._

If there would be a heaven for me, I felt like I found it. This was the most at rest and at peace I have felt in the past century I've lived. It was too perfect and I was suddenly glad she never canceled today. I wouldn't want to miss this for the world.

It felt as if it were a dream, something I haven't experience in a long time. The sun was beaming on my icy skin as I laid on the grass. Her aroma was stronger than the wildflowers that adorned the meadow. Her scent was very floral in itself, a flower I couldn't put my finger on, something I've never smelled in anybody before. Nothing could make this day more perfect.

We stayed in the same position for what felt like hours and I could stay here forever. I laid in the grass next to her, singing her love songs that I adored, songs that expressed my feelings for her, with each song pointing towards the one truth that I longed to share with her, I was in love with her. What we had was stronger than everything I've experienced in my existence. Stronger than the bonds between me and my family, a bond between two meant for each other. I didn't care if she had a limited time with me, I would cherish every second that passed, every pump that her heart gave, every breath that she took. But was it so wrong that I wanted her with me forever, someone I can spend the rest of my existence with? It was only natural right? It felt as if my heart was fighting with my conscience. My heart choosing love, a love I'll never find in anybody again. My conscience siding against my heart, knowing it would be wrong to take her soul away. Is it truly better to have loved than never to have loved at all? Now that I've felt this, experienced true love, I don't want it to go away.

I remembered Esme telling me not to worry about how things are looking now, but to enjoy the day. I smiled and pushed all the thoughts behind me. I didn't care anymore, if it is written for me and Bella to be together, things will work out towards the right path.

I felt the tip of her finger start tracing the back of my hand, leaving a trail of electric warmth with every stroke. It felt incredible. I opened my eyes and looked at her, and she was staring at me. Her hair was ruffled from the wind, her eyes seemed like they were filled with honey and I could see the sparkles from my body in her eyes. She was still shocked by it. Without even thinking, there was a smile on my face. "I don't scare you?"

"No more than usual," she replied with a smile.

I grinned even more and closed my eyes, enjoying the feelings radiating from my arm.

She came even closer to me and started using all her fingers to trace the shapes of my arm. I could hear her heart beat quicken, as if she was nervous. Her fingers trembled slightly over my hand. The feeling coming from my arm was something I couldn't explain, just very pleasurable.

"Do you mind?" She asked me.

"No." As if she needed to ask. "You can't imagine how that feels." And neither had I, until this moment. The hot temperature of her body, warming my icy skin. As if fire and ice existed in harmony, without destroying one another, but finding a middle and existing together. She trailed even further on my arm, tracing the outlines of my marble muscles and the veins in my arms. If there was any blood running through them, it would be racing now. Such feelings I've never thought I would experience, never knew existed, never knew I'd love.

Her hand lifted and started to move toward the edge of my palm. I turned my hand over for her, guessing that's what she was going for, but she stopped and looked at me. I didn't realize it, but I moved my hand my normal speed, which would be blindingly fast for her. "Sorry. It's too easy to be myself with you." I didn't have to put a charade around her. I loved that.

She raised my hand toward her face and started examining my palm, studying it intensely. I tried again to read her thoughts, wondering if the touching would make a difference. I concentrated on listening for anything. I heard the bee's buzzing, the wings of a hummingbird, the wind rustling against the grass, but nothing from her direction. As if I expected anything else. "Tell me what you're thinking" I resorted to. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know the rest of us feel that way all the time."

"It's a hard life. But you didn't tell me."

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking..."

I noticed the hesitation at the end. "And?" I pressed on.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid." She told me with a frown.

But how could I tell her not to be afraid, when I am such a danger. My whole existence defies this, and I'm pretending I'm strong enough to be able to resist. How can she not be afraid, if I'm not even certain I can control this thirst, this abomination, inside of me? "I don't want you to be afraid" is all I could murmur out.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

She's scared about something else? I sat up and looked into her eyes. "What are you afraid of, then?"

I was closer than I intended to be. She didn't answer my question, but closed her eyes, breathed in deeply and drew towards me.

Instinctively, the monster inside of me sprang up. The one I've suppressed since the day I first breathed in her freesia scent, but now the scent radiating from her throat smelled nothing more to me than dinner. Everything was working exactly the way it was supposed to. She was drawn in by my appearance, my voice, my scent. My muscles were tense, ready to pounce, my mouth filling with thick venom, washing away all shreds of humanity. Now was the moment to strike, it was perfect. We were alone in a forest, no witnesses, and very easy to make it look like an animal attack. Just a quick bite in the neck and she would never even feel it. She deserves better than to feel the pain. I ignored the phone vibrating in my pocket, Alice no doubt.

I inched closer, preparing to strike, but was suddenly stopped when I looked into her eyes and saw another man sitting in front of her. A man I haven't seen for 80 years, since I've stopped killing humans. It was the same man I saw the very first day she walked into my Biology classroom, the man that Alice saw in her vision of the meadow, holding Bella's lifeless body in his arms, his eyes red flowing with her blood. I saw in my head Alice's vision fulfilling. I saw the man that I swore I would never be again. I saw myself holding Bella's lifeless body. I saw the vision of Bella and Alice walking together ripped apart from existence. I was about to end an innocent life and devastate myself and my family. I couldn't put them or her in danger. I wouldn't. I won't.

NO!!!!!!!

I ripped myself free and ran to the edge of the meadow, holding my breath. She stood in the middle, looking at me, confusion in her eyes.

"I'm...sorry...Edward." She whispered.

Of course she would apologize, for doing nothing wrong. I'm the one who should be apologizing, I was about to end her life. "Give me a moment." I said loud enough for her to hear.

I couldn't imagine the feelings I would be experiencing if I continued on. I couldn't stand to see her lifelessly in my arms, all because of my cursed animal instincts. I was better than that. I chose this life for a reason, so I would never kill another human. _I will not hurt her_ I promised to myself. I don't want to exist without her.

At that time, I made up my mind. I will never hurt Bella. I will never let that monster rear its face again.

I walked back into the meadow and sat down, breathing again. "I am so very sorry. Would you understand what I meant if I said I'm only human?"

Her heart was still racing as it was a minute ago, but it was differently than I'm used to hearing it. Whenever I make her heart race, I'm usually close to her, or touching her, but this time it sounded different. It sounded as the time in Port Angeles, when she was surrounded by those thugs. The sound of adrenaline and fear pumping through her veins. She was for the first time, scared of me.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in --- my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I needed any of that."

I circled the meadow in a full sprint and stopped underneath a tree before she realized I even moved. "As if you could outrun me." I laughed mockingly.

I reached over and ripped a branch off the trunk of the tree and balanced it on my fingers. She was looking at me in shock when I threw the branch against the trunk of another tree, shattering the branch with a deafening crack. "As if you could fight me off." I gently said while standing in front of her again.

I've never been so freely in front of another human and didn't know what to expect. She stood motionless, eyes locked on mine. Only reaction I could guess would be fear, and her heartbeat confirmed it. "Don't be afraid." I tried to sooth her. "I promise...I swear not to hurt you." I told her and myself.

"Don't be afraid" I whispered to her as I got no response from her. "Please forgive me. I can control myself. You caught me off guard, but I'm on my best behavior now."

I was still getting no response from her. She still stood with her eyes locked on mine, a look that I couldn't understand. "I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I said and winked.

I managed to get a laugh out of her and I felt a bit relieved, still ashamed of how I let myself loose around her, but I hoped she understood just how dangerous we can be.

"Are you alright?" I asked and placed my hand in hers, slowly this time.

She still didn't reply, but continued tracing the outline of my hand with her fingertips. I felt relieved to feel that. "So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?"

"I honestly can't remember."

I wondered if she really didn't remember, or just didn't want to answer why she was afraid. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason." I remembered her

"Oh, right" she answered and looked down.

"Well?" I couldn't help but ask. Curiosity was getting the best of me.

She continued tracing the outline of my hands as the seconds passed by, what felt like years. I didn't know if she was planning to answer or not, but it was starting to frustrate me. Usually I would be able to read it from their minds, but I couldn't here. I wasn't used to it. I felt, impatience, something I rarely ever felt. Whenever I wanted something, I would be able to get it quickly. I sighed "How easily frustrated I am".

She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. "I was afraid...because, well, for obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She finally confessed, looking at my hands.

I didn't expect that response, and I was mad I let it get this far. But I felt comforted that she was feeling the same way I felt. I wanted her to stay with me forever, but I couldn't do that to her. "Yes. That is something to be afraid of, indeed" I agreed. "Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

I knew that would hurt her, and the frown on her face confirmed it. "I should've left long ago. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to leave," she mumbled.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should." I confessed, knowing I craved for more than just her company though.

"I'm glad." she said, with a small smile.

"Don't be!" I said harshly, gazing away ashamed. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else."

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean --- by that last part anyway," she told me.

"How do I explain? And without frightening you again. Hmmmm." I paused thinking for the right way to put it. I've been giving her so many analogies. "You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I started. "Some people love chocolate ice cream, other prefer strawberry?" How ironic, comparing it to food. "Sorry for the food analogy, I couldn't think of another way to explain it."

She smiled at me and I smiled back.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale bare, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac -- and filled the room with its warm aroma -- how do you think he would fare then?"

She stood looking into my eyes, as if she was trying to read my thoughts. Maybe I didn't make it clear as I intended, which wasn't too easy. Maybe another example might help. "Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead." I continued.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" she said.

I smiled, she was better at this than me. "Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?" She asked.

I looked into the sky, remembering the talk I had with my brothers about this. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor..." I didn't catch that poor choice of word. "Sorry" I told her.

"I don't mind" she said. "Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try at least. Just explain however you can."

I took a deep breath and wondered if I would ever get used to her calmness. "So jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as....appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, one stronger than the other."

"And for you?" She asked me.

"Never."

"What did Emmett do?"

That question brought back the vision in my head that was all too clear. I've seen it replay in his head too many times, seeing the woman hanging the sheets, doomed by a gust of wind blowing the wrong way. It was all too quick; she never even saw it coming. He was devastated for months, always thinking of that woman, visualizing every detail over and over in his head. I tried to give him as much privacy as I could, but sometimes it was too hard. I would see everything, his expression as her scent hit him, the beautiful face of the innocent woman, and the blood stained sheets. My eyes were closed, tearing if they could.

"I guess I know" she finally said after the few moments of silence.

I looked at her with sadness. "I guess even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission?" She said coldly. "I mean is there no hope then?"

I could hear the sadness in her voice. But it was different than that. "No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't..." I couldn't finish the sentence. "It's different for us. Emmett...these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as...practiced, as careful, as he is now." I said in his defense.

She said nothing but just kept staring, a facial expression I couldn't understand. I hated that I relied on my mind reading so much. I was clueless in times like this.

"So if we'd met...oh, in a dark alley or something..." she told me.

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and.." I looked away ashamed. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. You must have thought I was possessed."

Seeing the sadness in her eye as she remembered would have brought tears to my eyes. I could never understand the pain that I caused her then, pain that I regretted.

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly..." She admitted.

I continued to confess everything that happened within that first week after we laid eyes on each other. It was scary just how truthful I could be with her, yet throughout it all, she would look at me, staring in curiosity. Any other normal human would've felt some kind of fear knowing they were inches away from their murderer.

I continued to tell her of how I escaped to Alaska for a few days, running from my personal demon, of how I wanted her to forget our first days together, and the day she was almost crushed in front of me. We continued talking for almost an hour, just confessing everything.

In the end she stood there, looking at me with understanding and forgiveness in her eyes. "And for all that, I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all that first moment, than if now, here, with no witnesses and nothing to stop me, I were to hurt you." I admitted

"Why?"

As if it wasn't obvious enough. I cared so much for her, that my existence would have no use without her. And for me to actually commit the act that ended her life, I wouldn't be able to live with myself anymore, besides not even having a reason to live. She is my only reason I exist now. Sights that I never noticed in other humans, now I would miss seeing. The warm red that filled her cheeks when she blushed, the spark of intuition in her eyes. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." I confessed.

She stood in front of me, eyes locked on our hands. "You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here...which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you. I'm an idiot" she finished with a frown.

"You are an idiot." I agreed with a laugh. She looked up and joined me in laughing. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..." I continued. Her eyes filled with excitement at my statement, as I finally confessed my feelings to her.

"What a stupid lamb" she sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I replied, letting my mind wander at the impossibility of our relationship.

"Why…" she began to ask then paused.

"Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before?" she asked

"You know why."

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example, seems to be alright." she said while stroking the back of my hand.

Of course she would think it was her fault. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

I thought for a moment. "Well, it was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness. I wasn't expecting you to come so close." But I should've known better with her. "And the smell of your throat..." I stopped short thinking I've offended her.

"Okay then. No throat exposure." She said and tucked in her chin, slight smile on her face.

I laughed. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything."

I raised my hand and put it on the side of her throat, feeling the blood start racing as my icy skin touched her warm neck. "You see. Perfectly fine."

I could hear her heartbeat quicken with every second and her cheeks started slowly filling with a warm red color as the flood filled her face. "The blush on your cheeks is lovely." I told her.

I freed my other hand, gently lowering her hand in her lap, and started to brush her rose colored cheeks.

"Be very still" I whispered while slowly bringing my head down towards her throat, slowly resting my cheek against the hollow at the base of her warm throat, listening to her even breaths and her speeding heart beat, evenly breathing in her flowery scent, easier to resist every time.

I slid my hands to her shoulders and slid my cheek downwards and rested it against her chest. The heat coming off her body felt amazing, warming my icy skin. I've never been so close to a human, never even imagined a reason to be. "Ah," I sighed. I stood there for a few minutes, listening to each beat her heart was pumping, listening it go from racing to a slow normal pace, pumping my concerns away with every beat. There was nothing more I wanted than her.

I reluctantly released her, not wanting to push my new found confidence. "It won't be so hard again."

"Was that very hard for you?" she asked with curiosity.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad…for me."

"You know what I mean." I replied with a smile.

She smiled.

"Here." I took her hand and placed it against my cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?" I asked, feeling my cheek warm.

"Don't move," she whispered.

I closed my eyes and let my arms relax to my sides. She slowly caressed each part of my face with her fingers, starting with my cheek, moving to my eyes and down my nose, her fingers leaving warm trails behind each stroke. She let her fingers slide down and traced the outline of my lips. I opened my mouth, and took in the scent coming off her fingers. It felt as if I could almost taste her freesia scent, giving me a strong burning in my throat, a long for the thirst to be quenched, as if the overstuffing I did last night never happened. Such a desire to satisfy that thirst overwhelmed me.

But I also had another desire, a humanly desire, I think. I wanted to reach across and press my lips gently on hers. I've thought about this a few times over these past years, much more this past few months. I wanted to express my feelings for her, but I was scared I wouldn't be able to control myself. I wasn't sure if I would be able to control the temptations if we kissed, unsure if I would be able to keep myself composed. But I wanted to try; I wanted to feel her lips on mine.

She dropped her hand at what felt like too soon. I looked at her, confusion and complexity in my eyes. "I wish...I wish you could feel the...complexity...the confusion...I feel. That you could understand."

"Tell me" she whispered.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger...the thirst...that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely." I said smiling.

"But..." I continued, pressing my fingers against her warm, soft lips. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand that better than you think." she told me and I remembered the sadness in her eyes when Jessica asked her if we kissed.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" she paused. "No, never. Never before this."

I held her hands in mine, wishing I could be closer. "I don't know how to be close to you, I don't know if I can." I admitted with sadness.

She leaned in closer to me, locked on my eyes the whole time. I felt the warmness of her cheek against my chest, and felt oddly peaceful. "This is enough." She said

I embraced her cautiously, not willing to tempt my confidence. I rested my face in her hair and closed my eyes, enjoying this moment, not wanting it to end.

But, unfortunately, time doesn't stop for love. Before long, the sunlight was starting to fade, bringing shadows in its place. I heard her sigh, as if she was thinking the same thing I was.

"You have to go." I said.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind." She replied

"It's getting clearer." I replied happily that I got it right.

I looked at the sky, and by the looks of it, it was getting late. And like that, a sudden burst of inspiration hit my mind.

"Can I show you something?" I asked with enthusiasm in my voice.

"Show me what?" She asked warily.

"I'll show you how I travel through the forest."

She looked at me cautiously.

"Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I smiled crookedly.

"Will you turn into a bat?" she asked sarcastically.

I laughed loudly, hearing my laugh echo through the forest. "Like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time." she joked

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back." I pushed noticing her hesitation. It didn't look like she was going to, so I reached over and gently placed her on my back, locking her hands and feet on me. The warmth was very pleasant on my back.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she warned.

"Hah," I chuckled, barely feeling her weight on my back.

I suddenly grabbed one of her hands and pressed her palm against my nose, breathing in her scent, my personal brand of heroine. It burned my throat a little, but much lesser than before. Definitely controllable. "Easier all the time."

And before she even had a chance to react, I took off running through the dense forest.

I only wished I could know what she was thinking at this moment, but I guessed it would be excitement. The trees and leaves that looked so crisp and so clear to me, must look like blurs to her at this speed. I could see every detail for miles ahead of me, already planning a path in my head. It was so easy for me to run, that my mind wandered to another subject. Something I've been thinking about for the past few days. I remembered how badly I wanted to kiss her when Jessica brought the subject up, even more when her fingers were tracing the outline of my lips in the meadow. I still was not sure if I would be able to control the hungers that would arise if I did. I knew that the temptation to resist would be that much harder. But I also wanted to try, deciding I would never do anything to hurt her.

After a few minutes, we broke free of the trees and I came to a stop a few feet away from her truck, an incredible high in my body.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I asked.

"Bella?" I asked anxious, as she laid motionless on my back. I could still hear her heart beating, rapidly.

"I think I need to lie down," she said with a weak voice.

"Oh sorry."

"I think I may need help."

I laughed a soft chuckle and unhooked her off my back, gently bringing her in front of me. There was a sick look in her eyes; I guessed she saw every blur.

"How do you feel?" I asked after placing her on the floor.

"Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees."

She listened and placed her head between her knees, lying motionless. "I guess that wasn't the best idea." I said.

"No, it was very interesting." She protested with a weak voice.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost....no, you're as white as me!" I said laughing.

"I think I should've closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" she groaned

I laughed, knowing she wasn't looking forward to it.

"Show off," she said quietly under her breath.

I wasn't paying attention to that, my mind was already on another subject. I wanted to kiss her badly, more than anything right now. I leaned in closer, slowly to make sure I was in control of myself. I was already becoming desensitized of her smell, but not completely, my throat still burned for her, just more manageable.

"Open your eyes, Bella."

She opened her eyes, and jumped back a little. She probably wasn't expecting me so close.

"I was thinking, while I was running..." I continued.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope." She said

I laughed. "Silly Bella. Running is second nature to me, it's not something I need to think about."

"Show off," she muttered again.

I smiled. "No. I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

She looked at me as if she knew what was coming. Maybe she thought of it also. I gently took her warm face into my hands and brought it closer to mine. I stopped with her face close to mine, but not touching. The scent was more potent as she was so close and I felt those despicable instincts trying to resurface. But surprisingly, it was much weaker than the first day I smelled her. I felt that I would be able to control myself. A smile broke through to my face and I gently pressed my cold lips to her warm soft lips.

As soon as our lips touched her scent barreled down my throat like a wrecking ball, igniting a fire in my throat. But I could manage it as long as I stayed in control of myself. I felt my cold lips starting to warm from her lips. The sparks of electricity that flew between us when we were touching, were now 100 times stronger. I kept my kissing to a soft rhythm, not wanting to push it too far, but I wanted to let loose, express every feeling I have for her, kiss her with every emotion I had. But I knew that there was a chance I would not be able to control myself.

I was keeping myself in control when I suddenly felt her fingers knot around my hair, as if she was trying to push my head closer to hers. Her rhythmic kissing became more intense, along with my thirst. Her scent burned along my throat with intensity, as if she was trying to push me past my limit. Immediately I stopped and slowly, unwillingly, pulled her head from mine.

The one thing I wished I could do, she did. I wanted to kiss her back with the same intensity and passion, but I feared for her safety.

"Oops." she muttered, but I could see the joy in her eyes.

"That's an understatement."

I kept her head close to mine, staring in her eyes. The monster inside of me was more manageable than I thought. The thirst was still there, but I felt greater control over it. Who knows what would've happened if I kissed her without being mentally prepared. I shuddered at the thought. We waited for a few moments as I recomposed myself.

"There," I said when I felt back in control.

"Tolerable?"

I laughed. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

I'm sorry I couldn't kiss back; there was nothing she needed to be sorry for. "You are only human, after all." I joked

"Thanks so much," she said rolling her eyes.

I smiled and jumped to my feet, extending my hand to help her up. She grabbed my hand and helped herself up. The heat felt amazing even now, I loved not having to fear contact between us anymore. Well, not all form of contact...yet. Kissing was still something we needed to work on.

She got to her feet, but stumbled as soon as I let go. I quickly grabbed her waist to stable her. "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I smiled.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy, I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive."

"Are you insane?"

"I can drive better than you on your best day." _Plus analyzing your every move is driving me crazy._ "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella."

She stood with her hands in her pockets, thought it over, and shook her head no as she pursed her lips. "Nope, not a chance."

Of course not, that again would show weakness on her part. But this was something I was not about to let her do. I saw her eyes move towards the driver's side of the truck, and I raised one eyebrow in question. Was she going to try to make a run for it? I wouldn't let her regardless, just like the day after she visited the nurse for fainting.

Just as I expected, she started to move towards the driver's door, but stumbled along the way. I quickly grabbed her by the waist and held her body close to mine, her heat radiating on me, her scent filling my head. How lovely.

"Bella, I've expanded a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive." _Plus endangered my belongings with Rosalie_. "I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk." I laughed.

"Drunk?" she said eyeing me.

A wide smile spread against my face. "You're intoxicated by my very presence."

She sighed. "I can't argue with that." She held her key up and dropped it in the air. My arm instinctively caught it before it even dropped an inch, my eyes never leaving hers. "Take it easy. My truck is a senior citizen." she warned.

As if it would let me even try to drive it fast. "Very sensible," I agreed.

"And are you not affected at all? By my presence?" she asked.

If she only knew that her presence would send my heart racing, my blood boil, and bring a blush to my cheeks if it could. Maybe I could show her how her presence affects me.

I leaned in and slowly brushed my lips against her tender face, outlining her jaw, back and forth. Her heart beat skyrocketed and her blood started racing. I could see that pinkish color slowly filling her cheeks as I caressed them with my lips. This never ceased to bring a smile to my face.

"Regardless. I have better reflexes." I said.

She remained motionless in my arms. I chuckled as I imagined what her head must be thinking of at times like these, or maybe she just didn't know what to think. I would have to ask her later.

I carried her to the passengers side and slowly settled her in, buckling her seatbelt. In another instant, I was in the driver's seat, bringing the tank to life with a turn of the key.


	5. My Last Hour

_Here's the next chapter in the story. Sorry it's taking me a long time to write them, busy with school and work. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! That's what keeps me writing. I hope you enjoy!_

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My Last Hour

It was a calming drive home, a perfect finish to a perfect afternoon. The sun was setting in the distance, sending rays of vivid orange and red around the horizon and in our car, bringing out the red color in her hair that was flowing out of the open window. I kept her truck cruising at a reasonable 50 mph, not wanting to push my car's grandfather to its limit. I kept one hand on the steering wheel while using my free hand to hold hers. And yet, it still wasn't enough. I wanted to touch every curve and every inch of her beautiful face and just be able to kiss her freely, with no restraint. Just as she did for that brief second back at the path, before I had to pull away. I hated that, I hated the atrocity inside of me that was stopping me from expressing my love to her.

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" she asked shyly. I guess the discussion between the differences of music from these past decades reminded her.

"Does it matter much?" I wouldn't mind telling her that, or anything for that matter, but I just didn't want her to be upset.

"No, but I still wonder. There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it'll upset you." I confessed.

"Try me."

I looked at her with that answer and saw the face of understanding. I should've expected that from her.

I turned my head back towards the sun, and debated for a few seconds before answering. "I was born in Chicago in 1901" I answered and looked at her through the corner of my eye to see her response. But as I guessed, she had a peaceful look in her eyes, hungry for more details. I smiled and continued. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen and dying of the Spanish influenza."

The intake of breath she took surprised me, gave me hope that rational reactions were still possible from her. "I don't remember it well; it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade."

It was true, after the transformation, all my human memories were clouded, but a vampire's memory was still just as sharp and clear. I saw my last hour of human life through Carlisle's mind numerous times.

It was late at night and Carlisle just started his shift. He came to check on my mother and me, as he did daily; we were always his first stop in the shift. He came to check on my mother, Elizabeth, and saw that her condition was deteriorating quickly, much quicker than he anticipated. Her fever spiked and he knew that this might be the last time he sees her alive. She begged him to do everything in his power to save me, her baby, caring more for my life than her own. Every time I would think of her last moments, my eyes would blink uncomfortably and a knot would lodge in my throat, my immortal body trying to cry, but not able.

Elizabeth passed away under Carlisle's eyes. He knew he had to find some way to save me, but he could only think of the one act that was committed on him; to turn me into a vampire. He had no idea how it worked, but would just try to replicate what happened to him.

Quickly, he took my mother down to the morgue first, and then came back for me. He took me down and put me next to my mother. I remember crying there, knowing she passed away. He told me it would all end soon, and I would live again. I couldn't believe that, I knew my condition, and I knew the only place I would end up would be a wooden box.

He picked me up and cradled me against his chest. He carried me out the back door and I felt as if we were flying. I saw the sky above me in a big blur, and seconds later I realized we were moving across the rooftops. I thought the fever finally got to me and I was hallucinating and knew it would all end soon. Few minutes later, I woke up in what looked like a basement tied to a table. "I'm sorry Edward" Carlisle began, "But I can't think of any other way to save you. You're going to feel a lot of heat and burning from your chest, but it will be over soon enough. Just try to hold tight. I'm sorry."

I didn't understand how much more burning I would feel, as I was already burning from the fever, but I felt a sharp pain in my right arm and quickly felt as if lava was being injected into my veins, slowly burning every inch of my body as it traveled towards my heart, turning it into a volcano shooting lava throughout my entire body. My heart beating faster and faster by each second.

I started screaming and bashing against the table and makeshift harness, knowing it was in vain. All I asked for was to be killed, a way out of this pain. He kept assuring me that this would be over soon and just to try to pull through.

I burned for hours and hours, wondering if it would ever stop. The only notion of time I had was Carlisle coming back every morning from his shift at the hospital. I knew every time he came back, another day has passed. I pleaded with him to kill me and he would just apologize. He tried to explain to me what was becoming of me, but I couldn't believe it. Vampires only existed in folklore's and Transylvania. And why wouldn't he have already killed me for my blood. It just didn't make sense.

He would leave every night again to go back to the hospital, leaving me alone in the basement to burn. I would hear people talking and cars driving by outside and I would scream to them, screaming over and over. Only after did I realize that the voices and the cars were miles away from me, miles from my pleading.

After the second day, I finally accepted that screaming would do no use. I laid there while he explained to me more about him, about his lifestyle and I understood why he hasn't killed me.

It was then that finally the pain started to subside in my fingers and toes and I knew that the pain would all end soon. Carlisle had a spark of joy as he watched me finally stand from the table.

"I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." I continued, returning my mind towards Bella.

"Your parents?" she asked.

"They had already died of the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would realize I was gone."

"How did he" she paused before continuing, "save you?"

I was very careful about saying it correctly, not wanting to help her thoughts about becoming like me, which I was sure she thought about. I wouldn't let that happen.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us...I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history. For me, it was merely very, very painful." I said remembering the fire that burned in my body for three days.

"He acted from loneliness." I continued after a few moments of silence. "That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff." Well, threw herself off, but technically still fell. She didn't need to know the exact details. "They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become..." She paused, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier though, if the blood is weak."

I didn't mind sharing my history with her, but rather enjoyed it. But I would rather not clarify much on this subject. I know her mind would be set on becoming like me.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him. He was careful with his thoughts around me." Not that he didn't slip up plenty of times and the frustration was easy to see when he realized things between us weren't progressing towards the way he hoped. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting, we were in Appalachia at the time, and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I thought of the time where she was almost crushed by the van. If she was covered in blood, I wouldn't have been able to make it out of the parking lot composed, much the less carry her to Carlisle.

The thought made my insides quiver and I couldn't help but brush her cheek with my hand; glad to see the blood still rushing to her cheek.

"But she made it," she encouraged, looking away.

"Yes. She saw something in his face that made her strong enough." A little boy name Henry, the son she could never have. "And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school. I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again." I laughed.

"Alice and Jasper?"

I guessed she would've asked. "Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another...family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" She interrupted. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things, things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." My jaw snapped as I stole a glance towards her. It came out more as if I was trying to convince myself and Alice.

"What kinds of things does she see?"

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose." Ignoring the vision of Bella as a vampire.

"Are there a lot of...your kind?" she asked, and I noticed her heartbeat raced slightly as she thought about it.

"No, not many." I assured her. "But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like use, who've given up hunting you people" I looked towards her, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live...differently tend to band together."

I remembered Carlisle had a hypothesis that our vegetarian diet made us more peaceful, allowing us to form stronger bonds with each other, but we had no way of testing it.

"And the others?" she asked, as I was making the final turn on her street.

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

I pulled in her usual parking spot and turned off the truck, heaving its last breath as I turned the key to off. I couldn't help but chuckle. Charlie wasn't home yet, which was a good thing. I didn't want to end the night yet.

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I said lightly. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

"So that's where the legends came from?"

"Probably." I smiled.

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?

"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

Her stomach was quicker to give a response than she was.

"I'm sorry. I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really" she said, again not wanting to show weakness.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want to stay with you." She said with sadness in her voice. As if I had the willpower to leave even if I wanted to.

"Can't I come in?" I joked.

Her voice suddenly became excited. "Would you like to?"

"Yes, if it's all right."

I opened the car door and let it close on its own. I walked to the door of her house and unlocked it with the key under eave and went to open her car door, just as the driver's door was closing.

"Very human."

I smiled. "It's definitely resurfacing."

We walked towards the front door in silence. I reached for the door and opened it for her, letting her walk in. She paused halfway through the door and I knew she realized it.

"The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She turned on the lights and turned to look at me, her eyebrows raised. I knew she had it all figured out.

"I was curious about you." I admitted.

"You spied on me?" She replied, but there wasn't a trace of anger in her voice.

"What else is there to do at night?"

I took a seat in the kitchen while she was preparing dinner for herself. From the looks of it, lasagna. She pulled it from the fridge and put it in the microwave. I didn't understand how humans can eat that, it smelled just awful.

But besides the smell, there was another thought in my head as I watched her prepare her food. An odd sense of familiarity came over me, as I realized I've imagined myself in this same room before, the very first day I smelled her scent. Only last time I thought of it, I was planning to satisfy my thirst. This time, I was her protector. What an ironic change of events.

"How often?" she asked, looking intently at the plate of lasagna circling in the microwave.

"Hmm?" Her question pulled me out of my thoughts.

"How often did you come here?"

"I come here almost every night."

She spun around, shock on her face. "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk." It was my way of hearing her thoughts.

"No!" she gasped and the color flew away from her face. She gripped the kitchen counter and I debated going to her to hold her.

I hadn't expected her to take it as bad. She always took shocking news with no expression. I was debating whether I should hold her from falling down, but it seemed as if she was keeping herself up. Did I get her mad at me? How frustrating not being able to read her thoughts.

"Are you very angry with me?"

"That depends," she answered and paused.

"On.." I pressed when it didn't seem as if she was going to continue.

"What you heard!" she said quickly.

I should have seen that one coming. Let her be more self conscious instead of mad that a vampire snuck into her bedroom every night.

I was quickly at her side. "Don't be upset." I pleaded.

"You miss your mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I couldn't help but chuckle at the last one, as I replied basically everything I learned from listening to her sleep talk, excluding the talking about me.

"Anything else?" She eyed me suspiciously.

"You did say my name."

She sighed. "A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?" I asked

The sound of a crown victoria engine pulling off the main road meant our time together was going to be interrupted soon.

"Oh no!" she hung her head ashamed.

I pulled her against my chest feeling the warmth from her body radiating into mine. There was no reason for her to be ashamed, I was more jealous than anything. The only dreams of her I can have are daydreams.

"Don't be self-conscious. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." So many human emotions I never missed until now.

Charlie pulled into the driveway and I knew she just realized it as she stiffened in my arms.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm not sure..." she paused.

"Another time then..." And I fled upstairs, into her room and in my usual chair.

"Edward!" she called.

I chuckled

"Bella?" Charlie asked when he walked in, as if he expected someone else to be home. His thoughts seemed to be relaxed from the long day of fishing he had.

"In here" she replied, a little too much excitement in her voice. I smiled.

She was preparing him a piece of lasagna and I let my thoughts wonder away as I waited for her.

I started paying attention when his thoughts took a curious feeling to them.

"Ina hurry?" he asked, confirming my suspicion that he noticed her excited behavior.

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early." She said, picking her words carefully, it wasn't a lie. She never mentioned of going to sleep.

"You look kinda keyed up."

I chuckled. If I knew she would've taken the news of me spying on her sleep so well, I could've told her before, avoid all this hiding.

"Do I?" she responded.

"It's Saturday. No plans tonight?" He asked.

_Just planning to go upstairs to my bedroom where a vampire I'm in love with is waiting for me. Nothing special_. I imagined her thinking.

"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep." she replied.

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?"

I was curious of her response.

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." She replied, putting a little too much emphasis on boys, avoiding another lie.

I remembered her telling me she doesn't like to lie. I added another characteristic to the list, honesty.

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton...you said he was friendly."

Suddenly the chair under me was vibrating and I had to stand so the chair wouldn't make a noise against the floor. Jealousy and anger was flowing through my mind. Every feeling that I've had for him surfaced, burning with a stronger intensity. How I wished I could put an end to every day dream he has with Bella.

"He's _Just_ a friend, Dad." she said with an icy edge. That calmed me down a little and I was able to sit again.

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking." He finished with.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," she said to put his worries at rest.

"Night honey."

"See you in the morning, Dad."

She walked in, and shut the door loudly. She tiptoed quickly to the window and scanned the outside, looking for me. I laid myself down on her bed behind her.

"Edward?" she whispered.

I chuckled. "Yes?"

She whirled around in surprise. Her heart and breathing racing as she spotted me.

"Oh!" she said and started sinking to the floor.

I had to resist a smile. "I'm sorry."

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I walked over to help her up. I picked her up by her shoulders and walked her over to the bed, setting her next to me.

"Why don't you sit with me. How's the heart?"

"You tell me. I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I laughed softly as I listened to her heart slow its way towards its normal rhythm.

"Can I have a minute to be human?"

"Certainly" I replied and gestured with my hand to go ahead.

"Stay" she ordered.

I smiled and thought I saw her eyes squint as she said it, as if she was trying to say it severely.

"Yes ma'am" I replied and laid down on her bed.

She quickly grabbed her clothes off the floor and a small bag and rushed out the bedroom. I heard her close the bathroom door and turned on the shower. I smiled and started thinking about the day we had together today; it was even better than Alice had envisioned it. I was sure that the other vision she saw was completely gone. I am now sure that I would never do anything to hurt her, there is no doubt anymore. There would be no more me without her, I couldn't go on if anything were ever to happen to her.

This was the longest time we have spent together and I felt I could spent decades with her and feel the same. As easily distracted that our kind is, she's grabbed the center of my attention and I don't seem to mind. Every second I spend away from her, the only thing I can think of is going back to see her.

She opened the bathroom door and I expected her to come in, but instead she ran down the stairs and said goodnight to Charlie. She then ran back up and came inside, her head wrapped in a towel, dressed in pajamas with holes and looked like they came from the time I was still human.

As soon as I breathed in her scent, I was reminded of our first Biology class. The smell of her strawberry shampoo fits her floral scent perfectly. Only now I can enjoy every aspect of her scent, instead of holding back my evil part. The thirst was still there, but it didn't have the same effect on me. Maybe because I have been around her for so long today I became desensitized to it.

"Nice" I finally said with a smile.

She grimaced.

"No. It looks good on you."

"Thanks" she said and came to sit next to me, looking at the floor.

"What was all that for?" I asked.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh." I should have thought of that. All I got from him was a confused mood. "Why?"

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I smiled and lifted her chin towards me. "You look very warm, actually."

I slowly moved closer and put my nose to skin. "Mmmmmm" I said and took a deep breath in. Her scent sped its way down my throat and yet I didn't feel the fire as strong as I used too. Her scent was definitely something I would have traveled the globe to find if I knew it existed.

"It seems to be...much easier for you, now, to be close to me." She said.

If only she knew what I had to go through and the battles I've fought inside to get to this point. It was never easy and still isn't.

"Does it seem that way to you?" I asked, slowly moving her hair away from her ear, kissing the space beneath her ear. Her skin was smooth and so mouthwatering after a shower. As if she used a freesia body wash.

"Much, much easier" She finally replied.

"Hmm..." I said and continued exploring every line in her skin, slowly moving my way down her to her throat.

"So I was wondering..." She started but stopped as my hands reached the hollow at her collar bone.

"Yes?" I pressed on.

"Why is that, do you think?"

I chuckled. "Mind over matter."

She pulled away and I instinctively froze and held my breath. I looked up to her and saw a look on confusion on her face. I relaxed and asked confused, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. The opposite. You're driving me crazy."

I never expected that one. She's usually the one who drives me crazy, yet I couldn't figure out why I was driving her crazy. "Really?" I said as a smile spread against my face.

"Would you like a round of applause?" she asked sarcastically

I smiled. "I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with...in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it...being with you..." I started to explain.

"You're good at everything." She said and rolled her eyes.

I shrugged and we both laughed in silence.

"But how can it be so easy now?" This afternoon..."

I sighed. "It's not easy. This afternoon, I was still undecided. I am sorry about that; it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable" she objected.

I smiled "Thank you. You see." I looked down, ashamed. "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough," I picked up one of her hands and pressed it against my face, "And while there was still the possibility that I might be...overcome," I breathed in her scent from her wrist and embraced the warm fire it sparked in my throat. "I was...susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was_ strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would...that I ever could..." I tried to continue, but it was as if the words were caught in my throat.

"So there's no possibility now?" She questioned.

"Mind over matter," I reminded her, smiling.

"Wow, that was easy," she said.

I threw my head back and laughed. "Easy for _you_," I pointed out and touched her nose with my finger.

"I'm trying, if it gets to be... too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." I said.

She looked at me with a scowl.

"And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you all day in my head, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away then," she said with a plead in her voice.

"That suits me. Bring on the shackles, I'm your prisoner." I laughed and wrapped my fingers around her wrists like handcuffs.

"You see more optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before." She pointed out.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that" Her face lit up as I said that. "It's incredible, isn't it, the difference in reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

"For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me." I admitted. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?" I said carefully, trying not to bring up the emotions along with it.

She nodded. "The day you started talking to me again."

I felt comfort in the fact that she remembered the day because of an event that happened with me, yet I still felt a bit guilty for my actions those first days.

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt. I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I _tried_ not to care. And then the line started forming," I laughed. " I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief that I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure."

"That was the first night I came here," I continued. "I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I kenw was _right,_ moral, ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry." Still makes me angry, but not as bad as before, knowing that she was in love with me.

"And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

We both sat in silence, looking into each other's eyes. I loved that I could be so honest with her, and yet she looked at me with such understanding in her eyes. It was more than I deserved.

"But jealousy," I continued. "It's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton..." I shook my head trying to get the thoughts of what I would do to him out.

"I should have known you'd be listening." she groaned.

"Of course."

"_That_ made you jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie...Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, _Rosalie_...was meant for you, Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

I laughed. "There's no competition." I re-assured her and held her close to my chest.

"I _know_ there's no competition. That's the problem." She mumbled.

"Of course Rosalie _is_ beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." I tried to say it as seriously as possible, to show just how much it was true. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours...all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And now finding anything, because you weren't alive yet." And I would gladly wait another decade if that was the case, finally able to find a purpose in my life. As long as her life was peaceful and happy, my existence would be complete.

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered, her head resting on my chest. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right; I should make this harder for you, definitely. You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity," or your soul if anything should ever happened. "What's that worth?"

"Very little. I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet," I objected, full of grief.

I heard the TV turn off and Charlie start to walk towards the stairs, curiosity in his mind.

"What?" she asked as I quickly let go of her hand and hid inside the closet.

"Lie down" I whispered from the closet.

She went under her quilt and balled up on one side. The door cracked open and Charlie looked inside to make sure she didn't sneak out. Her heart was beating like a train and she was breathing hard to make the movement noticeable. I laughed at the situation of the boyfriend hiding in the closet from the dad.

He closed the door and went back downstairs and out the front door, Bella's keys in his hand. He popped the hood to her car and started to disconnect the wire from her battery, sparks flowing as the wire disconnected from the terminal. I started to laugh; wondering if that would be enough to stop her. I wasn't sure how mechanically able she was. Charlie walked back into the house, yawning along the way. I waited till he was in his bedroom to come outside.

I worked my way back to her, she was still balled up, she probably didn't hear the door close.

I put my arm around her and whispered in her ear "You are a terrible actress. I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it," she muttered.

Her heart was still beating rapidly, so I started to sing the song I've been writing for her.

"Should I sing you to sleep?" I asked.

"Right," she laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't _know_ you were here," she replied, an edge to her voice.

"So if you don't want to sleep..." I implied.

"If I don't want to sleep...?" She answered confused.

I laughed. "What do you want to do then?"

"I'm not sure," she said after thinking it over.

"Tell me when you decide." I said and put my nose against her jaw, and inhaled deeply.

I could feel sparks of electricity going down my throat, bringing every cell in my body to life. It then traveled down towards my heart, fueling the fire there that burned for her. If it would only beat again, it would be racing now.

"I thought you were desensitized." She reminded me.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. You have a very floral smell, like lavender... or freesia. It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody_ telling me how edible I smell," she replied.

I laughed.

"I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you."

I saw that one coming. I was glad I was able to better guess her actions. "Ask me anything."

She took a few moments to finally ask me. "Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you.._.are_. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

It was a valid question that I expected her to ask sometime. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others, the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot, they too wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been... dealt a certain hand..." in the words of Carlisle. "It doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above, to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She laid quietly for a few moments and I longed so hard to know what she was thinking. I didn't know how she took the answer.

"Did you fall asleep?" I resorted to asking, not to show my frustration.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

"Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?" I asked.

"Why can you read minds, why only you? And Alice, seeing the future...why does that happen?"

I wondered how long she's had these questions in her mind. I shrugged "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory. He believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified, like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength. Rosalie her...tenacity. Or you could call it her pigheadedness." I laughed. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him, calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift." Yet it was able to stop harsh confrontations with others of our kind before.

We laid a few minutes in silence as she took it all in. The warmth of her body next to mine brought my body temperature to almost the same as hers. It was a different feeling being this close to a human, but it was something that I rather enjoyed. My life finally feels complete.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on..."

That was an interesting question. Carlisle had spent years and years trying to trace back our creation. One of the members of the Vulturi was actually created in the early 1100's. He also found evidence of our kind from scrolls dating back to the late 300's.

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?" I hated having to explain our self as the predators of human, but in reality it came down to that.

"Let me get this straight... I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." I laughed and I took another breath of her strawberry scented hair.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked after a few moments of silence. I had to keep her needs in mind too. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

Of course. I smiled "We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next..." But it didn't feel enough. I wanted her forever.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." I Promised

"One more, then, tonight..."

Her heartbeat increased with that thought and I guessed it was something she was afraid to ask me. Curiosity started to overwhelm me.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything." I pushed.

Still nothing from her. It must have been something important, but what. It was starting to eat me inside. I would trade anything right now just to be able to hear her thought at the moment. What was she afraid of? My instincts to protect and please her burning strongly inside of me.

I groaned, feeling I was going crazy. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse_."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking.

She wasn't making this any easier for me. "Please?" I insisted, putting every ounce of strength to make it as persuasive as possible.

Yet, she still shook her head no.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is. Please?" I begged.

"Well..." She began but stopped.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon...Is that....marriage...the same as it is for humans?"

So that's why she was so hesitant to ask me. I should have guess those desires would have come up eventually for her.

"Is _that_ what you're getting at?" I laughed.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same." I answered. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," she finally responded.

I wondered if she had those thoughts about us, but I was afraid I already knew the answer.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I asked.

"Well, I did wonder...about you and me...someday..."

My body stiffened automatically, confirming my suspicion. There would just be no possibility for both of us to put ourselves in that position. From what my brother's tell me; it is an extremely powerful sensation. As much as I promised myself today that I would not do anything to her, that would be playing with fate. I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep myself in control during it. But yet, that human emotion was still there for me. The longing to have her body that close to mine, feeling as if we were almost as one. It was something I wanted to share with her, something I wanted to experience together. As much as I wanted to, I would never be able to put her life in that much risk for me, plus I was raised as that should be something you wait for marriage.

"I don't think that...that...would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that...close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." Sometimes I think she forgets that. "If I was too hasty...if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake." I said while brushing her cheek with my hand. "You don't realize how incredibly _breakable_ you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

I laid there next to her, waiting for a response after my confession, yet all I heard was Charlie's snoring. I wanted to know what was going through her head through that. "Are you scared?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine." She said.

My mind couldn't help but wonder though, has she ever... I stopped and tried to push that thought out of my head, but yet it still came back. I had to find out before I went nuts. "I'm curious now though. Have _you_ ever...?" I asked, hoping she caught my drift.

"Of course not," she answered quickly. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company." At least for most of the students from our school.

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." She replied and sighed.

It was a relief to hear that. "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least."

"Your human instincts..." she began and waited. I would go nuts if she kept doing this to me. "Well, do you find me attractive, in _that_ way at all?" She finally continued.

I laughed, of course I did. "I may not be a human, but I am a man."

She chuckled a little and then yawned.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?" I joked

"No!" she replied fiercely.

I laughed and began to hum her lullaby to her.

She shuffled her body to get more comfortable, curling up inside of my arms.

As I sat there and hummed the lullaby to her, there was only one thought in my mind as I watched her fall asleep in my arms. Bella as Mrs. Bella Cullen.


	6. Intermission for Makeup

Hello loyal readers. Sorry to make you believe that there is another chapter, but I wanted to apologize for the last chapter, "My Last Hour". To me it felt that some parts were out of Edward's character and I think because I've been away from my story so long that I've lost his train of thought. I am going to re-read the first chapters of midnight sun again to be able to get back into character. As soon as I re-read and feel like I can write from Edwards perspective, I will start on the next chapter. The latest I want to publish it is by the end of December. I'm going to be writing it while I'm at work, so I'm pushing for before that. Not sure I'll get much writing when I'm home as finals week is coming.

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews!!!


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